Kucinich's T-shirt crisis

In the News: It seems as though Kucinich made a HUGE mistake when he dropped out of the presidential race. While not only giving up his chances at becoming the next president, Kucinich wasted 25,000 Dennis Kucinich for President T-Shirts! Keith Shirey, who was in charge of all of the Kucinich merchandise, was forced to sell the T-Shirts to a rag company for eight cents apiece after he found out that, because of California's anti-smog laws, he could not burn them. Such a tragic story. He should have just replaced "president" with "congressman." And on that note, Kucinich has survived the challenge to his congressional seat, winning 50% of the vote while his four challengers made up the other half. Kucinich received support from local labor unions who supported his anti-free trade proposals and his support of a universal, single-payer health care system. However, even though his constituents wish him to focus on local issues, Kucinich maintains that he will not ignore national issues such as the war in Iraq and health care.

2 MORE YEARS! 2 MORE YEARS!

In the News: After removing himself from the national spotlight of a presidential bid, Kucinich has focused on winning back his seat in Ohio's 2008 Congressional election. Fortunately for Kucinich, his congressional prospects are much brighter than his presidential ones were. Since Valentine's Day, the Kucinich Camp has raised $830K, putting him well ahead of his GOP challenger, thanks to contributions from the likes of Vidal Sassoon and pornography publisher Larry Flynt. This welcome bump in funds seems to promise us 2 more wonderful years of Dennis!

Cancer?

Looks like our favorite little Kucinich has gotten himself caught up in some NASA research issues that have left 40 out of 100 workers on a single floor of a research facility with cancer over the last three years. Kucinich has stated that the health and safety of the workers is his utmost concern, and will be looking into what has caused this enormous percent of workers to develop cancer.
In other news, Kucinich has been fighting against Mayor Frank Jackson of Cleveland's decision to shut down a police district headquarters. Saying that this is, obviously, not in the best interests of the safety of the citizens, Kucinich has asked Mayor Jackson to reevaluate his decision.
What will the crazy Kucinich come up with next?